Sunday, May 13, 2007

What price freedome?

This is a totally non-housing related post.

What price do you put on freedom? I just discovered that it can be quite a bit. Why? A relative of my fiancee' had given her a gift of cash in the past and was holding it over her (and my) head(s). In an argument tonight (it is 3am, just finished), we finally asked "how much?"

I just wrote the third largest check of my life to buy out of an "obligation."

The largest was a down payment on a house (sold pre-bubble... damn! At a small loss too.) :(

The second was to buy my BMW, cash on the barrel. :) 145k miles later, I'm happy with it. (but warning, the maintenance is too much. But I will keep it another 100k engine/transmission willing. FUN car.)

The third was tonight. Ended the argument and dis-invited the person from the wedding (they were making a fuss over new guests we "had to fit in to the wedding.") Ok, funny, the spouse (+ "guest") is still invited (love the spouse... yea.. life throws curve balls...) , so the person will still be there. But under our terms. ;)

Make no doubt, there was a debt of gratitude owed. The person had been generous. Now paid in full. Every red cent. Ok, I have to scramble to the bank tomorrow to make sure no wedding checks bounce, but all is ok. Did I mention I'm a saver. ;)

Did I have to pay the person? No. Not even when my fiancee' asked me to whip out a check. (We had been paying wedding vendors all day... Due to a trip, I was behind paying my share, so it was time for me to pay for everything at most of the vendor "finals". Can we say OUCH!).

So somewhere someone is going to stimulate the economy whom has no belief in a housing bubble. Even then, I feel better. (I Can't believe it, it takes me weeks to work up to spending $500, normally.)

Bedtime is now coming (had to wind down). Its sort of fun knowing I've rewritten the rules. We left noting, its a new day.

I cannot ever tell you who I bought out.

They say a wedding is a new start. For us, in more than one way, it truly will be.


Six days to go until the wedding! Expect one more post and then nothing until mid-June. (We're doing a proper honeymoon.)


Ravi said...

I completely understand. My parents were more than willing to pay for our wedding, but I insisted on paying for it myself. And, like in your case, it wasn't about the money itself (we'll eventually end up taking it as a contribution towards our down payment whenever we do end up buying), it was about the freedom. It was about saying "no, we don't want that" or "no, that doesn't fit into the wedding budget" and being able to back it up. Not that my parents are terrible people or anything like that, but we have very different ideas about what weddings should be like and I wanted to make sure there wasn't a dynamic where we felt obligated to do something we actually weren't comfortable with. And in the end it all worked out and we had a wedding our guests enjoyed and one we will fondly remember.

Good luck with your wedding (is it "the fucking wedding" yet?) and enjoy your honeymoon. I will say that, for us, the best part so far has been when all the craziness was over and we were "just married". It is amazing how such a simple change can make us both smile.

wannabuy said...


You said it well. At some point it isn't the money; its removing any right to hold something over our head. :)

As to wedding status... let's just say its going together well and I'm excited about the party. At some point, for me, it became about the party. (Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my bride, but psychologically I hae "compartmentalized" to reduce the stress.) :)


tj & the bear said...

It's amazing how many people do not know the meaning of the word "gift". Nonetheless, you did absolutely the right thing, and will feel much better from here on out for doing it.

Again, congratulations. Pardon the French -- ravi started it! -- but hopefully it won't be a f'ing wedding so much as a f'ing honeymoon. ;-)

Westside Bubble said...

Funny, "What price freedom" first reminded me of advice we received on the freedom of not being tied to a burdensome mortgage, a very housing-related topic!

Congratulations on your wedding!

Anonymous said...

Happened to me once. A close relative lent us $5K when we needed it, but called it a gift at that time. Next time we didn't go along with whatever it is they wanted us to do, the relative asked when we were going to pay the money back, as they were in need of it (bull -- millionaires). Paid it back and never looked back. Good riddance to the chains and a valuable lesson learned.